Maddoff

It was Madoff who designed the system. His competitors made some innovations to the original plan, and then many versions came into being, carrying many names in many places under the sun. They were the “optimistic opportunists,” led by rich figures who spun yarns about their journeys to financial success before deciding to recruit followers. What fool would ever deny the wise words of rich people trying to help them get rich?

The promises were so convincing that I found myself embracing the world of multilevel marketing. With only RM2,488 as the programme’s prerequisite capital, I became the blood brother of optimistic opportunists who practiced senyum simetri (symmetrical smiles) in front of aspiring downlines and would NEVER say baik (good) whenever someone greeted them with apa khabar? (how are you?). They would heroically say hebat! (great!) instead. To me, it sounded both pretentious and funny, because that kind of reply doesn’t naturally exist in my language.

“Apa khabar semua?!!!” the speaker yells energetically. How are you all, he says.

“Hebat!!!” reply the aspiring business partners.

“Now we present youuu Tuuuan Haji Abu Akhlaqen! The top achiever in this reeegion!” the speaker shouts. “Twenty-seven years old, yes! That’s his age!! His monthly income is in five figures!! Once again we present youuu… our honourable… Tuuuaan Haji Abu Akhlaqen!!!”

Then, a man looking sharp in his finely tailored suit jogs in slow motion towards the stage. Scorpions’ vocalist belts out “Here I am… rock you like a hurricane” from the megaphone at the corner of the hall. The song fades into silence.

“Apakabarrrr sssssmua!!!” Akhlaqen greets the crowd.

“HEBATT!!!” yells everybody. This time, shit has gotten serious.

“Assalamualaikum. Hello everybody. Thanks to our emcee for tonight’s event, Mr. Sadiq Segaraga, who is also my upline, for making my life a mess.” Everybody laughs. “Yeah, my life is indeed a mess because I don’t know what to do with my monthly income of RM35,000. Haih…”

“Yearrghhh!!! HEBAT!!!!” and they clap their hands.

That was how the first step of recruiting new businessmen and businesswomen in multilevel marketing worked. After this ritual, they would become money zombies who valued friendship more than normal people do. They would begin visiting old friends, striking up good rapport, and then—out comes the pitch.

This explained why Mother’s old friend paid us a visit two weeks after Father died. She brought along another woman, some sort of cheerful companion. The fat penguin that broke the ice and played with it. She really knew how to talk.

Suddenly the living room was flooded with promotions of this antioxidant product and that mineral supplement. She told us about their plan to visit China a few months later. She bragged about quitting her permanent job to focus on the business. She boasted about her downlines’ five-figure incomes, though she kept hers conveniently confidential. She explained the system. She invited me to join the system.

She insincerely praised my educational background to flatter me into joining. Then she asked me to roll up my sleeve—
“Let’s see whether you have health problems. I’m using this device. Even modern medical practitioners use it.”

Yeah, right.