Thursday, March 1, 2012


It was Maddoff who designed the system. His competitors did some innovations to the original plan, and then many versions have come into beings carrying many names in many places under the sun. They are 'optimistic opportunists' led by rich figures who had spun a yarn about their journey in reaching financial success via the system before they decided to become the followers. What fools ever deny the wise words of rich peoples trying to help them rich?

The promises were so convincing that I had seen myself embracing the world of multilevel marketing. With a capital worth only RM2,488 as a part of the programme's pre-requisite, I had become the blood brother of optimistic opportunists who practiced 'senyum simetri' (symmetrical smile) in front of aspiring downlines and will NEVER say "baik" (good) whenever someone greeted "apa khabar?" (how are you?). They will heroically say "hebat!" (great!) instead. It sounds very pretentious and funny to me because that kind of reply does not normally exist in my language.

"Apa khabar semua?!!!" the speaker yells energetically. How are you all, he says.

"Hebat!!!" reply the aspiring business partners.

"Naw we present youuu Tuuuan Haji Abu Akhlaqen! The top achiever in this reeegion!" yells the speaker. "Twenty-seven year old, yes! That's his age!! His monthly income is in five figures form!! Once again we present youuu... our honourable... Tuuuaan Haji Abu Akhlaqen!!!"

After that a man looking sharp in his finely tailored suit jogs in slow-mo towards the stage. Scorpion's vocalist singing the line here I am, rock you like a hurricane blares from the megaphone situated at the corner of the hall. Then the song is fading into silence.

"Apakabarrrr sssssmua!!!" the Akhlaqen guy greets everybody in the hall.

"HEBATT!!!!" yells everybody. This time, shit has got serious.

"Assalamualaikum. Hello everybody. Thanks to our emcee for tonight's event, Mr. Sadiq Segaraga, who is also my upline, for making my life a mess," everybody laughs. "Yeah, my life indeed a mess because I don't know what to do with my monthly income that worth RM35,000. Haih..."

"Yearrghhh!!! HEBAT!!!!" and they clap their hands.

That was how things work in the first step of recruiting new businessmen and businesswomen in multilevel marketing. After this ritual, they will become money zombies who value friendship more than normal people do. They will start visiting old friends and making good rapport with them.

This tells me the reason why Mother's old friend gave us a visit two weeks after Father died. She brought along her friend who was some sort of a friendly lady. She was the fat penguin that broke the ice and played with it. She really knew how to talk. Suddenly I saw the living room was flooded by promotions of this anti-oxidant product and that mineral supplement product. She told us their plan to visit China a few months afterward. She talked about how she left her permanent job to concentrate on this kind of business. She boasted her downlines' monthly income but she kept hers confidential. She talked about the system. She invited me to join the system. She insincerely praised my educational background so that I would join the business. She asked me to fold my sleeve upward and "let's see whether you have health problems. I'm using this device even modern medical practitioners use this thing." Yeah right.


  1. Alamak Pok Deng.... you are reminding me of the MLM road to instant success which I have travelled once before. Which just goes to show that I also make foolish decisions sometimes...

  2. I love this word "Hebattt!!!!". That is my keyword for the day. This morning, the nasi lemak makcik wished me "Good morning, mem" and I said "Hebattt!!" She nearly swallowed her dentures laughing. Tomorrow I shall practise the "senyuman simetri". Is this the same as "senyum kambing"?

    1. "HEBAT!!" it shows everybody that you're energetic and optimistic.

      The opposite of symmetrical smile is Shah Rukh Khan's cynical smile. In order to show our sincere smile, the smile should be symmetrical. If we draw a perpendicular vertical line crossing a smiling pair of lips, the length of left side of the lips should be equal with the length of the right side of it.

      Senyum kambing... hmmm... I have no idea what that is. Ask Utusan Malaysia. Keh! Keh! Keh!

  3. Hebatttt inspektor sahab!!

    like oldstock, i am remembering my days hearing them talk every mondays. cult of money.

    1. You might wanna hear their unqiue rhythmic clap. Macam tepuk pengakap.

  4. This post tells me your age. You are way too cynical to be so old.

    Yes, we have made mistakes in the past. But the experience taught us to be wary.

    So it is good you lost RM2488. Better RM2488 than RM248,888.


    1. "You are way too cynical to be so old."

      Ma'am, I have read the lines over and over again. My limited knowledge in English requires me to request some enlightenment from you. I don't get it. Ha! Ha!

      I'm 25-year old. I think and act like one.

      "So it is good you lost RM2488. Better RM2488 than RM248,888."

      I'm afraid my uplines will read this post. I wasn't being cheated on. I was in the right lane to instant wealth and A LOT of people have reached success via the particular business plan. It is the only MLM company in Malaysia who has the Sharia' Compliance certificate and the business is supported by the Ministry of Education. And it also has received coverage from the press.

      It's just that I am personally not interested in getting money via MLM.

  5. I personally detest MLM and its minions....

    Have seen people hoarding products (to reach targets), telling half truths (to get people to join them or buy their products) and in some extreme cases, it has led to divorces and family breakdown too!

    There is no short cut to a five figure income. That five figure income cannot and will not be maintained for even five months, what more five years. This a a touch and go kinda thing.

    Just my 2 cents worth of thots....

    1. I really hated the moment that I wanted to meet old friends to chat, to laugh, to know what was happening around the days we were apart by distance - and finally ended up in an MLM lecture.

  6. My Experience:

    Wifey was very excited for the so call reunion lunch amongst her Sultang Sulaimang were plentiful ,friends hugging each other , long lost friend reconnected and old stories recycled with a new twists.Hubby tag along ,happy to see wifey grinning and snapping pictures for eternal memories.....the lunch about to start.

    First appeared impromptu speaker ,who was formerly the host who out of her generous heart decided to share the secret of wealth and perpetual happiness with everyone in her class.Once withdrawn member,according to wifey,suddenly became Oprah Winfrey of sort,poking fun and dishing out one liners like a pro standup comedian,that was just an intro.

    Then it became slightly on serious note when a flipchart appeared with able assistance flipping it like a drilled march past event without missing a beat.Of course the whole focus is to help you ,an hour later you start to believe her,as her 'Mother-Theressa ly' honesty become very engrossing.Blaming wifey in the midst of lecture for not introducing me to this wise intelligent and full of worldly experience friend of hers at the start of my carreer and saving me the trouble of slogging my small one gig brain to digest 40TG informations in the campus .

    Effortlessly it seemed then ,I could become millionaire by just investing on a few cds and books that rich people all over the world bought and diligently followed the instruction.She mentioned of few rich lumanaries as if she knew them on first name basis and half of the audience (look like regular hangers) nodding agreeing to every words she uttered.

    I could have been millionaire by now if not for my stubborn self closing my mind to all of those simple instructions.All needed was just RM500 investment on my part and air lior,the former i had afew and the latter plentiful......imagine a millionaire by now and I can go on blogging everyday without care ...... A few regrets in my life in the series of unfortunate decision makings.

    But then again the magic bracelets that sold for RM1000 ringgit through my wifey schoolmate system is selling at RM10 per piece at Petaling street,RM15 if you decided to buy for wifey too !! Of course the Petaling Street guy cant promise the rhuematism cure,happiness ions ,ozone waves and moronic flow with those cheap bracelets....what do you expect for RM15 ???

    As for the said speaker ,without missing a beat ,she is now on a new crusade to save planet earth by reducing our dependance on heavy metal ( not THE Scorpion kind of heaviness) and going back to herbal and mother earth.She is still on her mission of becoming millionaire .


    1. Ah, the steel bracelets once again. Why don't we just move to healthier eating habit and turn our medical dependency on synthetic drugs to natural compounds??? Malaysia has a lot to offer.